Jiu Jitsu Jokes For Kids

For those of you with Little Rolling Wrestler types at home, Jiu Jitsu under quality instruction can be an excellent choice for the right aged kids. To keep these future professors of BJJ entertained along the way, some good clean Jitsu Jokes are just what they need.

Jiu Jitsu jokes for kids are centered around the Brazilian version of the Japanese styles of Judo and Jujutsu. They should be simple in construction and age appropriate. Most of them will ‘tap’ into what kids find funny with surprises, rhyming, and alliteration.

If you have one of these Little Ninjas in your home or group, these may be just the thing have them rolling in the floor… with laughter… not sparring… well that too… oh, here are the jokes.

Jiu Jitsu Animal Jokes For Kids

This is the place to find Jiu Jitsu jokes mingled with the animals kids love. If your munchkin likes to roll like a chimpanzee, hop like a kangaroo, or turtle up like a… well, turtle, then these are the jokes for them. Throw down some of these when they are feeling like walking on the ‘wild side’.

The jokes are centered around Jiu Jitsu, but some are more animal focused than others. Take these as inspiration as you come up with some on your own.

What has 8 legs and provides protection at a bank?

Octopus Guard.

What is it called when someone forgets to wash their Jiu Jitsu-Gi so many times that it turns green?

Turtling Up!

What do you call an Ironclad Beetle that falls in love with a butterfly?

Butterfly Guard.

What is it called when a snake tries to swallow a hippo?

Anaconda Choke.

Want to hear some more and even better jokes about all kinds of subjects that kids will love? Want it mixed with a great coloring book to keep them doubly entertained? I recommend you head over to Amazon and check out my Coloring / Joke Book for Kids. It has a hundred pages that will brighten the day of most any Little Ninja.

Besides a web, what is a fly’s biggest fear?

Spider Guard.

What proves the moose on the wall lost to the hunter?

He was mounted.

How do birds defend themselves in the sky?

High Guard.

How do Australian animals defend themselves while they are sleeping?

Koala Guard.

What type of grappling style to blue beetles train in?

Blue Jitsu.

What is the way to do Jiu Jitsu and pray at the same time?

Mantis Guard.

What do you call a spider who protects stage coaches?

Lasso Spider Guard.

How do black widows fight upside down?

Inverted Spider Guard.

What type of grappling do cows like best?

Moo Jitsu.

How do you stop a bird from catching its prey?

Worm Guard.

What style of grappling do the animals at the zoo train in?

Zoo Jitsu.

How do bees protect their honey?

Bear Trap Guard.

What insect is a natural at Jiu Jitsu?

Rolly Polly Bug.

What is the only type of Jiu Jitsu technique allowed in the Grand Canyon?

Donkey Guard.

What is the smallest part of Jiu Jitsu, but can sometimes be the hardest?


What stopped the snake from eating any of the rodents in the farmer’s fields?

Rat Guard.

Why are horses horrible at Jiu Jitsu?

They are always getting mounted.

For more on many of the guard positions listed in these jokes, see a great page with tons of video links at BJJScandanavia.com. Take these and run with them. Come up with some of your own to inspire some fun in your next Jiu Jitsu class.

Kids are more receptive to learning when fun components are added that help them fully engage. Take the time now to develop your arsenal of jokes, learn to deliver them, and you can inspire a whole new generation of innovators for the art.

Knock Knock Jiu Jitsu Jokes

Everyone knows the format of a knock, knock joke. The trick to making them fit a specific subject is to fit the right play on words with the theme you are looking for. Here I used several and related them to Jiu Jitsu.

You can do the same thing. If you have ever heard a knock, knock joke, simply tailor it to Jiu Jitsu and try it out on the next kid that trains. Kids like the familiar so if it involves something they know, they will get a chuckle out of it… well, most of the time. They can also be brutally honest.

Take these as inspiration and try to come up with some of your own. It is not as hard as you think once you get into it.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?


Alex who?

Alex-plain the sweep one more time and then you are on your own.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?


Howard who?

Howard I know when you will get a purple belt?

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?


Etch who?

Stop sneezing on me while we’re rolling.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?


Luke who?

Luke for an opening, don’t just dive in head first.

If you know of a Little Ninja that likes knock, knock jokes, then I recommend you get my Coloring / Joke Book For Kids from Amazon at this link. You will have a giggling group of goofy kids on your hands if you do.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?


Isabell who?

Isabell how they start Jiu Jitsu matches?

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?


Turnip who?

Turnip the pace or you aren’t doing Jiu Jitsu. You’re just laying around.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?


Beets who?

There is no hitting in BJJ.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?


Althea who?

Althea later at Jiu Jitsu.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?


Wanda who?

Wanda roll?

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?


Dishes who?

Dish is a great time to do Jiu Jitsu.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?


Iowa who?

Iowa huge thanks to my coach for this Jiu Jitsu medal.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?


Ketchup who?

Ketchup with me in Jiu Jitsu? You are gonna need a miracle.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?


Witches who?

Witches better, butterfly or spider guard?

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

A herd.

A herd who?

A herd you wanted to learn Jiu Jitsu.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?


Carmen who?

Carmen roll with me.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?


Needle who?

Needle little help with Jiu Jitsu I see.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?


Tyrone who?

Tyrone belt. You know how.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?


Teddy who?

Teddy is not your first day in Jiu Jitsu. Let’s pick up the pace!

Here’s one for the guy that says, “Let’s roll light,” then goes like it’s the Pan Ams.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?


Toucan who?

Toucan play at this game. ‘Light’ rolling it is.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?


Police who?

Police take it easy. I don’t want any injuries from rolling today.

With these now you are ready to bring some laughs and giggles to your next group of Little Ninjas. They will know the drill right when you start the joke. Just use some of these and some of your own until a couple make the smiles contagious.

For some other martial arts jokes you can see my article here and get some others that are more generally related. In no time you will be a stand up comedian and a local celebrity among young kids.

Super Jitsu Jokes

Nearly every kid if they are being honest is a superhero fan of some kind. They will get excited by flying, ray beams coming out of eyes, or super strength. Many kids wish they had some of these powers (and we are glad they don’t).

Jiu Jitsu is sometimes referred to as a super power. It has the ability to level the playing field for smaller kids with the discipline to train when it comes to bullies and overall confidence.

What better way to merge the idea of superhero powers and Jiu Jitsu than with some funny, age appropriate jokes that nearly any kid will find entertaining. These are just some of the ways you can incorporate Jiu Jitsu into a joke that centers around super powers. Once you get some of these memorized you shouldn’t have any trouble coming up with your own set.

What is Wolverine’s title when he protects the president.

X Guard.

What is it time for when Peter Parker gets pushed down by a bully?

Spider Guard.

Why can’t you see Spiderman use Jiu Jitsu in cold weather on YouTube?

The Web freezes.

What did the Jiu Jitsu instructor say when he couldn’t pass Spiderman’s Spider guard.

You’re bugging me.

Why couldn’t the Jiu Jitsu instructor stop the thief at the bank?

He was Robin.

Why can’t Superman ever be a black belt in Jiu Jitsu?

His belt is yellow.

If your Little Ninja is into super hero jokes, my Coloring / Joke Book For Kids has some good ones in it for them. Get your copy today from Amazon.

How are Iron Man’s and Aluminum Man’s Jiu Jitsu different?

Iron Man stops them mid sweep. Aluminum Man foils their plans before they start.

How are Spiderman and Superman’s Jiu Jitsu different?

Peter Parker can pull spider guard. Clark Kent.

Why was Clark Kent the only kid entered into BJJ tournaments in his area?

The rules said supervision was required.

How does Superman get out of every hold?

He always has an S cape.

Who got sick in the bathroom trying to cut too much weight for his Jiu Jitsu tournament?

Flush Gordon.

What did Spiderman put on his swollen knee after getting smashed in Jiu Jitsu by Hulk?

Just Ice.

Why won’t Iron Man roll in Jiu Jitsu without his iron suit?

He would be Stark naked.

Why are there no pictures of Iron Man and Thors Jiu Jitsu match?

They forgot to bring The Flash.

In what month does Spiderman host a Jiu Jitsu tournament for super heroes?


Why was Spiderman’s Jiu Jitsu getting rusty?

He was spending too much time on the web.

What do you call a superheroes only division at a Jiu Jitsu tournament?

The Just Us League.

What do you call a match between Iron Man and Thor?

A super fight.

Why was the Invisible Man’s first tournament so talked about?

It was Jiu Jitsu like nobody has ever seen.

Why was Tony Stark so angry after biting his tongue in Jiu Jitsu class?

It became Thor.

Who do superheroes carpool with when going to Jiu Jitsu class?


Where do most superheroes train Jiu Jitsu?


Why do refs always take Bruce Banner’s word for it if he says he didn’t tap?

He’s the Credible Hulk.

Did you hear about the Hulk’s new guard passing technique?

It’s all the rage.

Why doesn’t Thor show off in Jiu Jitsu class?

He’s always searching for a Loki solution.

With these jokes in your back pocket as your very own super power, you will be armed and ready to bring on the laughter with any group of Jiu Jitsu kids. Just find the right time and let them fly. You will have them trying to come up with their own as well.

For some more super hero jokes, see my jokes on Karate for kids and maybe you can adapt some of them to fit a Jiu Jitsu theme as well.

Weather Jiu Jitsu Jokes For Kids

What does weather, Jiu Jitsu, and a joke have in common? Not much, but if you can find a way to pair them together, the surprise factor of the combination will bring on that oh so funny shock factor for kids. They like to be tricked or misguided a bit and this is an innocuous way to do it.

These are a bit harder to come up with. Hence the shorter list here. With a little effort you could add to the list and come up with a few of your own. This could be just the attention grabber you need to get a class, group of friends, or a party back on track.

Have fun with these and challenge yourself to come up with a few more.

What Jiu Jitsu move works best in Kansas?

The Twister.

What is a weatherman’s favorite BJJ position?

Tornado Guard.

Where do the highest black belts in Jiu Jitsu live?

Deserts. Some get up to 150 degrees.

What happens if sheep practice BJJ too close to a hill after it rains?


What is the best Jiu Jitsu position after a rainstorm?

Rain-Bow and Arrow.

In what part of the year do most students get back injuries?

The Fall.

In what part of the year is it best to practice jumping to guard?

The Spring.

Why is a grappling tournament one of the coolest places to be?

It’s full of Jiu Jitsu fans.

There you go. Whatever the weather outside, you should be able to pull out one or two of these and get some attention. Jiu Jitsu training can be hard at times, but adding in a couple of these could lighten the air and get some energy back into in session.

Now get outside, feel some sun on your face and come up with a few of your own. You will have doubled this list in now time.

Jiu Jitsu Jokes For Your Kid’s Instructor (Professor)

Here we are interested in jokes to tell your BJJ instructor to make him laugh. These can also be at their expense. Just be ready when it is time to grapple that you are willing to pay the price. 🙂

These are all very simple and won’t offend any instructor in reality. It is just fun to allude to getting smashed by your instructor. Everyone does it.

Take these to your BJJ class and send the kids one by one to him armed with one of these and you will get them all laughing in no time.

What kind of car should all BJJ instructors drive?


What did they call it when the Jiu Jitsu instructor stopped a thief at the convenience store?


Why don’t Jiu Jitsu instructors break boards?

They aren’t mad at trees.

Why are Jiu Jitsu instructors calmer than other instructors when they make a mistake?

They don’t kick themselves over it.

When Chuck Norris asked the Machados if they trained in any weapons, what did they say?

We got None Chuck.

Why did the Jiu Jitsu instructor tackle the new student and make him give up?

Cause that’s how he rolls.

What did the zero say to the eight after Jiu Jitsu class?

Who gave you a black belt?

Why don’t BJJ instructors wear their Jiu Jitsu-gis as pajamas at night?

Every time they start to fall asleep they jolt awake trying to resist urge to tap.

How many Jiu Jitsu students get promoted to blue belt and quit?

A Brazillion.

How many Jiu Jitsu students get promoted to black belt?

A Bra-Not Too Many.

Why didn’t the skeleton ever get to go to Jiu Jitsu class?

She didn’t have any-body to take her.

Welp, we have now a list great jokes for any Jiu Jitsu instructor or class and we are ready to start the rolls of laughter. See what I did there? ‘Rolls’. Yeah, well I chuckled a bit.

Now its time to come up with some more of your own. If you are an instructor, parent, or student, you too can become the class clown of your Jiu Jitsu school. Just don’t take it too far or that smashing will occur that I alluded to before.

The Jiu Jitsu Jokes For Kids Takeaway…

These are all fun and kid friendly jokes centered around something they will love if you pick the right Little Ninjas. Many of them have specific terminology in them, so it will usually take a Jiu Jitsu kid to get them.

Take some of the terms that you use or hear regularly in class and see if you can add to some of these lists. Kids will change their mood, follow directions better, and even turn off tear fountains if the right quality and quantity of jokes start coming their way.

Now get your creative hats on, take some of these and make them yours. And if you want to share, I would be happy to add any kid friendly ones to this list. I will even add a link to your Jiu Jitsu website under your additions to the lists. Just use my contact page and let me hear ’em. Happy rolling!

Mathew Booe

Mathew Booe is a father of four, husband to Jackie since 1994, retired international competitor with over 50 wins, an international seminar instructor, a master instructor of hundreds of Little Ninjas each week, and the one bringing you the great content like you just read. Sign up for the newsletter to hear about his upcoming books before they are released to the public.

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