Though it is not okay to call your son names in an audible manner where he can hear, it is perfectly normal to make judgements on his behavior as a father. This is our role to be honest. We are to guide our children, both son’s and daughters into being the best men and women they can be. So, what if you think your son is a sissy?
When a father thinks his son is a sissy, it can be a reasoned evaluation. The ordered existence of men is masculinity. Some have different versions of it, and some more than the next man. Fathers should model it and show their sons how to shun effeminacy, not accept it as a ‘new norm’.
This is my topic for this article. We will delve into what it means to be a man and what the assault on masculinity today means for our sons. We will look at research and experts in the fields of psychology and theology to find the answers. Take it from a masculine father, you can teach masculinity. It just needs to be understood as the spectrum it is.
- Modernist Attacks On Masculinity Creates Effeminate Boys
- Having Emotion Vs Centralizing Emotion
- Faith Is Not Effeminate But Masculine
- Dissuading Effeminacy By Encouraging Masculinity
- Correction Is Not Rejection
- Later Rebellion Doesn’t Disprove The Need For Guidance
- Roles Are Not Stereotypes
- Healthy Future Relationships Rely On Masculine Men
- The ‘My Son Is A Sissy’ Takeaway…
Modernist Attacks On Masculinity Creates Effeminate Boys
Modernism is an illogical and errant system of thinking that has invaded the general way at least half of our society thinks today. Its attempts a redefining of words, traditions, and customs in a way that not only strains their original intent, but is in essence prescriptive rather than descriptive of the world around us.
‘Arising out of the rebellious mood at the beginning of the twentieth century, modernism was a radical approach that yearned to revitalize the way modern civilization viewed life, art, politics, and science.’Miami Dade College
We see gender roles, sex, speech, freedom, and safety all being redefined before our eyes into hybrid shells of what they truly mean. In this environment, it is little wonder that boys don’t understand what being a man is or what it means.
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Having Emotion Vs Centralizing Emotion
No matter what modernists say, there are differences between men and women, boys and girls. There are roles that people are designed for and these roles are inextricably linked to the sex that cannot be changed in each of us.
Emotion is a byproduct of action. It is not the other way around.
Women are generally speaking more empathetic and emotional than men. Teaching a boy that this is not the case only causes confusion. Denying that emotions affect us is unhealthy, but so is putting them at the center and foundation of action, especially for boys.
Can women choose to be more like men. Sure, but it is not the order of things and problems begin to arise. Happiness is not a feeling, but living a life to the end full of virtue and ordered toward what we were designed to be.
Boys need to be taught to be men. Men do this mostly by being an example of strength, prudence, and courage. This is not toxic as modernist try to say. What they are really fighting against is the natural order and the nuclear family. These traits found in men are the rock and foundation of the family.
Have an over emotional boy? Teach him to be the rock for his family, not by denying emotion, but by putting it in its proper place. Sometimes emotions are useful, and sometimes a hurdle. What they are never to be is the goal.
Teach him that sacrifice and suffering is what men are supposed to do in order to bring true stability and security to their families. To be a man is to learn to stand up every time adversity comes, no matter the cost.
In a study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, researchers found that those basing their decisions on emotions rather than reason tend overwhelmingly to cooperate with those in control, even those that are untrustworthy or oppressive.
Reason helps all of us make decisions based on more objective criteria. We have to teach our boys to use reason and critically think. Emotion is fine, in its place. Men are expected, whether they live up to it or not, to overcome even overwhelming emotion to utilize reason.
To read more about this and other topics related to philosophy and parenting, see my other articles here…
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Faith Is Not Effeminate But Masculine
Faith in the ancient Greek texts of what we now call the Bible is the same word the we also translate in English as trust. Trust in reason, the existence of a constant unchanging truth, and the ultimate cause of everything.
This is held by true faithful believers and they will give their lives to defend it and the branches that reason demands spring from it. Mercy, love, honor, etc. all are things that should define masculinity. The willingness to suffer for the continued existence of all of these and everyone’s access to them is what defines a masculine man.
Boys won’t know this inherently without role models to show them. The latest steroid soaked, self aggrandizing, millionaire sports celebrity can’t be farther from what they need. They need fathers, uncles, and grandfathers to show them how to be.
These men must embody trust and faith. Then and only then will effeminate boys know how to be the masculine men they are meant to be.
Dissuading Effeminacy By Encouraging Masculinity
Masculinity is not only a good thing for boys, it is a fundamental necessity in society. The false notion that masculinity leads to violent and aggressive behavior and liberalism points us toward peace is flawed at is foundations.
In an article published by researchers from Brunel University, UK researchers found through the study of the ‘Scottish Enlightenment’ in the 18th century that liberalism was not founded on peace and tolerance, but on militarism and the rejection of effeminacy while promoting masculine influences to young men.
This notion today that masculine traits should be vilified and shunned was foreign to all branches of the political, religious, and social orders throughout most all of history. Redefining what it means to be boys, men, and of reality itself is very new and not based on science or reason.
Boys should be taught by word and action to give place to the weak, stand up for the defenseless, but above all suffer for what is true. Men fight for freedom over safety, strength over victimhood, and true virtue over making oneself feel better by being outraged for some perceived slight conveniently out of our control.
Our lives for our children’s, not theirs for ours. If we do this as men, boys will follow.
Correction Is Not Rejection
There will always be those that conflate correcting a child (our primary duty) and rejection of them. This is not what is happening when an adult corrects the will, knowledge, or understanding of a son. Here is something that will make some peoples blood boil…
Children are ignorant on most every subject and on nearly every level. They must be guided and corrected at most every turn.
We as parents are tasked with helping them to find true perspective and understand what is real and what is not. Their whims many times make absolutely no sense. Children should not be allowed to unabashedly follow their whims.
Their consciences and wills are ill formed at these stages. Correcting them is not rejecting them as a person, but freeing them to be the inherently valuable people they are able to be.
Freedom is not the absence of constraints. That is anarchy. Freedom is the ‘freedom to’, there to point us to true and moral ends. The freedom to be better and advance ourselves, families, and society is true freedom. This comes with inherent constraints.
Parents and fathers in particular must correct their sons and show them how to be masculine. There are different forms of masculinity, and this doesn’t mean only particular sports, educations, and mannerisms.
There are ways to be masculine in the military, in a boardroom, or rebuilding an engine. But sons need role models to show them the best options for them.
They are watching and will do what you do and mostly ignore what you say.
Later Rebellion Doesn’t Disprove The Need For Guidance
Simply because most boys will go through a rebellious stage in their lives, does not offer proof that it is a fruitless act. On the contrary, they must know how to be or their lives will be one continual rebellion against something they can’t define.
The free will we all enjoy allows us to make decisions that we and others know full well are contrary to our natures and what is true. This doesn’t say anything about masculinity being untrue or effeminate boys being an acceptable end.
Rebellion is sometimes part of the process we all go through in order to find the boundaries that are acceptable and learn how to be our individual selves within them.
Roles Are Not Stereotypes
Men and their sons have a particular role to play in a well formed and moral society. These roles take different forms, but all are constrained by the common end or goal they share.
Stereotypes are taking a specific one of these forms and superimposing it over an individual. Roles are the broad set of definite boundaries required of us all to be the best us we can be. Stereotypes are exterior and roles are interior.
Manhood and masculinity is a part of the role of being male. It is not a stereotype, but something much greater, freeing, and empowering.
Healthy Future Relationships Rely On Masculine Men
Women that are married to effeminate men are by enlarge miserable. Women want men to be masculine, though admittedly each woman may desire a different form of it.
Telling our boys as they grow to embrace their ‘feminine side’ is not healthy or natural. Men have emotions just like women, but do and should deal with them differently. Men and women are equal in worth, but not equal in many physical ways. Lying to our children about things they can see with their own eyes is what destroys trust.
Relationships with other boys and men rely on boys to learn to be part of a group. Men need to be able to rely on one another and that rests securely on the foundation of predictable masculine behavior.
Women need the counterpart to their femininity. Masculine boys grow to be these men that they need. If they get a feminine man, they will be miserable. Their needs will not be actually met and it will either come out in the present or get suppressed only to rise to the surface later.
Having healthy relationships require parents to instill the types of masculine traits in their sons that best fit their personalities. It is not a one size fits all template. But there are easily definable boundaries that each father or set of parents need to work out for themselves.
The ‘My Son Is A Sissy’ Takeaway…
Calling your son names is never acceptable. They must be inspired by you and the circumstances you put them in to want to seek out the type of man they want to be. Simply hurling insults at a boy not inclined to find a proper way to be masculine could send him further in the opposite direction.
We as men must model for our sons, instruct with appropriate conversations, and guide them away from extremes when they stray. You can lead them, but you cannot force one brand or anther on them and think that it will be truly absorbed.
Effeminacy in boys and men is not a good trait, but a challenge for both parents and sons that is not insurmountable. Masculinity may look different from boy to boy and family to family, but it will not stray outside of the acceptable boundaries society has always held true.
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